I’m not going to start by giving you the scientific definition; simply, it’s facing your shit and realizing that your actions are not justified.
It’s not an easy thing to do nor is it a walk in the park. It’s like an epiphany, it hits when you least expect it. And when it hits you it hits you hard.
Taking a step back and looking at your thoughts, feelings and actions from a neutral point of view not from your point of view to be able to see the reality of your actions is something hard.
We don’t like to be wrong, we don’t like to be the ones to blame and as human beings we tend to find excuses for what we do and how we think. Some of it is fair but most of it is not. And that is when you drift into a snowball effect of fuckups.
Realizing the magnitude of your actions on the people around you and how it adds up to the chain of characteristics making you the person that you are, is very important.
It doesn’t only make you treat the people around you better, but it also gives you a realistic perspective on what you are like as a human.
It’s like looking at your self in a magnifying mirror for the first time and seeing all the flaws that you never knew you had.
Seeing those flaws is not even half the battle. You need to come to terms with the fact that they are there and that this is really you.
What comes next is hard, very hard, time consuming and brain wracking. You need to break down these flaws one by one and try to get to the source of these problems; you need to dig really deep to the core.
The next step is very tricky as I’m a strong believer that people do not change. However, they do develop, adapt and acclimatize.
For example, if you have anger problems, you cannot change and get rid of them. Nevertheless, you can learn how to manage those problems instead of letting it control you.
The same could apply to any bad characteristic you have. Don’t try to change it because you will be approaching the problem the wrong way.
Try to manage it, use it in a way that develops your personality to the better.
Having the power to put a leash on your daemons needs courage, it needs for you be honest with your self and it needs complete acceptance of the problems you have without sinking in the quick sand of denial.
Through this process you need to understand a couple of things:
You can’t fix all the bad that you’ve done.
You won’t always get a second run with the people you’ve hurt.
You will live with regrets from all calibers.
But it’s ok, you need to have all of those things to keep reminding your self of who you were and what you’ve become.
You need to accept and live with the consequences of your old fuckups even though you are not that person anymore. Just the fact that you became a better person doesn’t automatically wave the bad things you’ve done.
All you can do is be the updated better version of your self unconditionally, selflessly and without waiting for a reward or expecting anything in return.
Sometimes we must lose people to be better to other people.
Sometimes we need to lose things to appreciate ever having them.
Sometimes we must lose ourselves to find ourselves
Which is the biggest thing to lose yet the most rewarding thing to find.